Man, 2023 kicked off, and I just felt it, you know? Like a deep exhale, but not the good kind, more like a sigh. I was in this phase for a while, just floating along, telling myself everything was chill, you know, good vibes only. But deep down, things were messy, blurring at the edges. I had a bunch of ideas, dreams even, swirling around, but nothing really concrete. I was saying yes to too many things, things that didn’t really light me up, just because I didn’t wanna ruffle feathers. It was just a big ol’ soup of “maybe” and “sometime later.”
Then, it hit me, slow at first, like a fog rolling in. I started feeling this weird pressure, especially around things I used to just gloss over. My health, for one. I’d been kinda ignoring the little aches, pushing through the tiredness. Suddenly, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My body just started screaming for attention. I had to face the music, really look at my routines, my habits. It wasn’t about some quick fix; it was about getting real, digging in for the long haul. I knew I couldn’t keep running on fumes.
I started pulling back, you know? Like drawing lines in the sand, where before there was just open water. I looked at my friendships, my projects, even my own thoughts. Where was I just letting things slide? Where was I fooling myself? It was tough. Really tough. Some conversations I had to have, with myself and with others, were brutal. I had to tell people “no” for the first time in ages, and man, that felt like ripping off a band-aid. Some folks just drifted away, and for a bit, it hurt like hell. But then, this quiet settled in, a kind of peaceful calm. I realized I was making space for what truly mattered, for people who actually saw me, not just the “yes-man” version.
My work life, too, got a good shakeup. I was doing a lot of creative stuff, trying to make my mark, but it felt like I was constantly chasing something. The results just weren’t landing. I pushed, I tried, but it was like running in quicksand. This period made me just stop. I stepped back and looked at what I was really building. Was it solid? Was it sustainable? Or was I just dreaming with my eyes wide open, hoping for magic? I had to get practical, had to map out actual steps, real timelines. I found myself simplifying things, stripping away the fluff, focusing on the basics. It was a grind, I won’t lie. Long nights, really questioning myself, wondering if I was even on the right path. But I kept at it, brick by brick, even when it felt like I was moving through molasses.
By late 2024, I was just plain tired. Like, bone-deep tired. The kind of tired where you just wanna curl up and disappear for a bit. But out of that weariness came this weird clarity. All the things I’d been pushing away, ignoring, pretending weren’t there? They just surfaced. My old fears, my anxieties, the stuff I’d buried so deep, it all started bubbling up. It was overwhelming, like a tsunami of emotions. I couldn’t run from it anymore. So, I just sat with it. I started writing, just spilling everything onto paper, no judgment, no filter. That was a game-changer. It felt like I was finally cleaning out a dusty attic, one forgotten box at a time.
This whole journey, from 2023 through to now, early 2026, has just been about getting real. Grounding myself. I had to face the illusions, my own and others’, head-on. I learned that kindness isn’t always about being agreeable; sometimes it’s about setting clear boundaries. That dreams are awesome, but they need a solid foundation to actually stand on. I got much better at trusting my gut, even when it felt uncomfortable. I found my footing, slowly but surely. It wasn’t about finding some grand solution to everything; it was about showing up, every single day, and doing the work, even when it was messy. It was about seeing things as they actually were, not as I wished them to be.
