So, I’ve been around the block a few times, right? Dated all sorts of guys, you name it. But there was this one guy who, man, he was just different. I called him my “King of Cups” type in my head, ’cause he had this vibe, you know? Real chill, kinda quiet, but you could tell there was a whole ocean going on inside him. Not the loud, flashy type, definitely not. And for a long time, I just couldn’t crack the code on how to even get him to look my way, let alone actually talk to me. It felt like I was running into a brick wall made of nice manners and polite smiles.
At first, I did what I always did. I mean, I’d try to be bubbly, crack some jokes, maybe even a little flirty eye contact here and there. Normal stuff that usually worked with other guys, right? But with him? Nah. He’d just kinda… smile, maybe give a little nod, and then drift off. It wasn’t rude, never rude, but it was like my usual bag of tricks just bounced right off him. Zero impact. I swear, it was frustrating as hell, making me feel like I was talking to a ghost sometimes.
I started thinking, “Okay, this ain’t gonna fly. This guy’s not like the others.” So, I stopped trying so hard to perform, you know? I just started watching him. Observing. And what I picked up was that he was always just… present. He listened, really listened, when other people talked. He seemed to care about what was underneath the surface, not just the small talk. He wasn’t chasing attention; he was just doing his own thing, often with a book or just observing the room. And he had this genuine kindness about him, like a quiet warmth.
That’s when it hit me. All my usual stuff, it was probably just too much, too loud for him. He wasn’t looking for a show. He was looking for… something real. So, I figured, “Alright, new game plan. No more trying to be some version of myself I thought he’d like. Just be me, but crank up the genuine human connection a notch.”
Changing My Approach – Real Talk, Not Small Talk
The first thing I switched up was the conversation. Instead of trying to fill every silence or make a witty remark, I started asking questions that actually mattered. Not interrogating him, mind you, but when he’d mention something, I’d ask about his thoughts on it. Like, if he talked about a movie, I wouldn’t just say “Oh, I saw that!” I’d ask, “What did you feel about the ending? Did it resonate with you?” Simple stuff, but it showed I was actually listening and cared about his perspective, not just waiting for my turn to talk.
I also learned to chill out. Seriously. I used to be so impatient, wanting things to move fast. With him, I just… couldn’t. He moved at his own pace, emotionally. I had to let go of any timeline and just be present. If we had a good conversation, great. If we didn’t talk much one day, also great. No pressure, no pushing. I felt like I was learning to breathe slower, if that makes sense. Just letting things unfold naturally.
Showing, Not Telling – The Kindness Factor
Another thing I really focused on was just being genuinely kind and supportive. Not in a fake, syrupy way, but truly. If he seemed a bit down, I’d just offer a quiet, “Everything okay? You seem a little lost in thought today.” Not demanding an answer, just letting him know I noticed and cared. If he shared something he was passionate about, even if it wasn’t my thing, I’d show genuine interest. I’d ask him to tell me more, trying to understand why it mattered to him.
I also started sharing a bit more of my own deeper stuff, not just superficial things. Not like, dumping all my baggage on him, but little bits here and there. My own passions, things I was thinking about, even a vulnerability or two. I figured if I wanted him to open up, I had to show him it was safe, that I had depth too. It was like I was laying out a little bridge for him, showing him I was a safe harbor for his own thoughts and feelings.
- I listened intently: Really tuned into what he said, and more importantly, what he didn’t say.
- I slowed down: Stopped rushing things, letting the connection build naturally, without forcing it.
- I offered genuine support: A quiet word, a thoughtful gesture, showing I noticed and cared without being intrusive.
- I shared my true self: Bits and pieces of my passions and deeper thoughts, creating a space for authenticity.
- I avoided drama: Kept things calm, stable, and focused on positive interactions.
It wasn’t a quick fix, not at all. It took time. Weeks, even months. But slowly, gradually, I started to see a shift. He started seeking me out more, his eyes would crinkle in a more genuine way when he smiled at me. He’d actually open up about his feelings, his dreams, his worries. He’d tell me stories about his past, things he probably didn’t share with many people. It wasn’t about grand gestures or big declarations; it was in the quiet, shared moments, the knowing glances, the deep conversations that felt like we were the only two people in the world.
What I learned is that with a guy like him, you can’t force it. You can’t play games. He sees right through that stuff. What he needs is a safe space, a genuine connection, and someone who appreciates the beautiful, complex, often quiet world he carries inside him. It’s about patience, authenticity, and a whole lot of heart. And when you finally break through that gentle shell, man, it’s worth every single moment of waiting and understanding. It really is.
