The Drama of Trying to Pin Down “M”
Look, I’m usually pretty good at this stuff. I date a lot, I figure people out quickly, and I establish boundaries right from the jump. Then I met M. Total Pisces. It wasn’t just dating him; it was like trying to catch mist in a sieve. He was charming one minute and completely vanished the next, mentally or physically. I spent the first two months just banging my head against the wall, constantly asking myself: What is this guy even doing? I was trying to apply my normal rules, and they were just bouncing right off him.
Every time I tried to schedule something concrete—like, “Let’s plan three months out”—he’d get vague. I pushed for definitions, trying to get him to label what we were, and he’d retreat instantly into this shell of “just enjoying the moment.” I sent practical texts—”Next Tuesday, my place, 7 pm, let’s talk logistics.” He responded with a poem about the changing light and the sound of waves. I was getting nowhere fast, and honestly, it started making me feel insecure, which is something I usually never deal with.
I realized my usual playbook, the one that works on all the earth and fire signs, was actually making him pull away faster. I was speaking logistics and common sense; he was speaking symphony and deep feeling. My approach was too firm, too real. I had to stop treating him like a human calendar. That’s when I decided to treat the whole thing like a deep dive research project. I resolved to study the Pisces language, or I was going to lose my mind—or him—to the nearest daydream.
Operation: Decode the Dreamer’s Needs
The first thing I did was scrap all my sensible rules. Seriously, I deleted the spreadsheet where I was tracking our dates. I stopped asking ‘what are we?’ and I started focusing on validating his internal world. This was the biggest, most crucial pivot. I had to enter his bubble and make it seem like my bubble too. It wasn’t about the date itself; it was about the feeling of the date. I committed to observing what made his eyes light up, what made him stop being elusive and actually become rooted in the moment with me.
Here’s what I discovered and immediately implemented in my interactions. This is the stuff that actually started working:
- I ceased being the ‘planner’ demanding results. Instead of saying, “Let’s go to that new trendy restaurant,” I started whispering abstract concepts. I’d say things like, “I have this strange feeling tonight, like we’re supposed to find a secret, dimly lit corner where we can talk about things that don’t make sense.” Suddenly, he was dialed in. He’d immediately start suggesting specific, artsy, hidden spots that already existed in his head. I realized I had to appeal to his imagination before his schedule.
- I started complimenting his sensitivity constantly. Before, I used to mock him slightly or dismiss it for taking things too personally or being too emotional about small issues. Big mistake. Huge. Now, when he’d express deep feeling or vulnerability about a random movie, a song, or a sad street dog, I leaned in and told him how rare and beautiful that depth was. He’d melt instantly. I realized they crave acceptance for their emotional complexity more than they crave physical affection or material things.
- I used the power of shared escape to communicate. If I wanted to ask a deep, important question about our future, I wouldn’t do it over a bright Sunday brunch. I’d do it after midnight, maybe while we were looking at the sky or listening to melancholic music with the lights off. I created a temporary fantasy world where practical realities (like bills or work tomorrow) didn’t exist. He opened up like a book under those conditions.
- I stopped offering practical solutions to his problems. If he complained about his boss, I didn’t say, “Just quit and find a new job.” I validated his feeling of persecution and helped him imagine a safe retreat. He doesn’t want advice; he wants empathy that mirrors his own depth.
The Secret Desire Language: Validation and Vision
The core breakthrough hit me after a week of intense, dedicated observation. His secret desire language isn’t just emotion or fantasy; it’s Validation of his Vision. He doesn’t want you to agree with his logistics or his financial plan; he wants you to agree with his dreams, no matter how wild or unrealistic they seem.
I tested this theory aggressively. He told me about this completely unrealistic idea for a three-month, cross-country motorcycle trip he might take “someday.” Old Me would have pointed out the costs, the weather, and the sheer impossibility of getting the time off work. New Me pulled up maps right then and there on my phone, started searching for vintage bike rentals in California, and asked him what the soundtrack would be for the Arizona leg. I wasn’t promising to go; I was investing in the dream with equal enthusiasm.
The change was instantaneous and startling. Where before he was distant and hesitant, he became incredibly present and almost clingy. He started sharing vulnerability I hadn’t seen before. I realized that for a Pisces, captivating them means making them feel safe enough to be fully sensitive and loved for their chaotic creativity. They need you to be the solid anchor that accepts the wave completely. Once I stopped demanding structure and started demanding shared imagination, the game was over. He went from elusive partner to my biggest fan almost overnight. If you’re struggling with a dreamy sign, stop trying to fix them, and start trying to feature them in your shared fantasy. Trust me, it works.
