Man, I usually don’t mess around with the I Ching for simple day-to-day anxiety. I save that heavy artillery for when things are truly sideways, you know? But this whole situation with Sarah had me absolutely floored. I’d been letting her pull me along for months—the classic “we’re not labeling it but we’re exclusive, maybe” junk. It was making me feel small. Like a doormat.
I was so focused on being understanding and patient that I completely lost my spine. Every time I tried to talk about commitment, she’d hit me with some excuse about her demanding job or needing “space to figure things out.” It wasn’t space she needed; it was the freedom to keep her options open while keeping me on retainer. I knew it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to pull the plug. I needed some cosmic push.
The Setup: Why Hexagram 34?
I didn’t actually aim for Hexagram 34. I just asked the universe the bluntest question I could manage: “Do I need to walk away right now, or is there any chance for this to turn into something real?”
I grabbed my coins—the old rusty ones my grandfather used—and went through the motions. You gotta treat the process seriously. Clear the head. Focus. I threw them six times, marking the lines down methodically. And what popped up? Hexagram 34, Dazhuang, Great Power. And it was all solid lines, baby. Unmoving, strong, like a brick wall.
I cracked open my worn-out Wilhelm Baynes translation. I’ve read 34 a thousand times in general business contexts—it’s about asserting your strength, moving forward with determination, not relying on force but recognizing you have it. But for love? That feels heavy. The core message is usually about avoiding rash actions but using your genuine, inner strength to achieve your goal.
I immediately thought about how I used that exact mentality years ago, back when my old company tried to screw me over during that major internal restructuring. They figured they could lowball my severance because I was stressed and distracted. I remember feeling that same pit in my stomach—the fear of standing up for myself.
The Backstory That Pushed Me to Action
See, when that restructuring happened, I was a wreck. They gave me this junky, insulting package. Most people just signed the papers and walked. But I took the contract home, stared at it, and realized they were banking on my weakness. I dug in. I spent two weeks talking to lawyers and gathering internal data that proved my value. I didn’t yell, I didn’t beg. I just presented the facts—the undeniable strength of my performance and the legal obligations they were skirting.
When I finally walked into that HR meeting, I wasn’t asking anymore; I was stating my terms. It was Dazhuang in action. Quiet power. They folded within an hour. I got triple the original offer.
Thinking back on that—that moment of knowing my strength and using it responsibly—it hit me. Hexagram 34 wasn’t telling me to get angry at Sarah. It was telling me to stop being a weak version of myself just to keep someone around who clearly didn’t respect my time or worth. It was demanding I assert the terms of my own life, regardless of her reaction.
Putting the Great Power into Practice Today
I closed the book. The answer was clear. The strength I needed wasn’t about dominating her; it was about honoring myself. I knew what I had to do, and I needed to do it immediately, without hesitation, which is critical when 34 pops up. Hesitation invites weakness.
- Step 1: Get Prepared. I didn’t text. I didn’t call and leave a message. I immediately set a firm plan to meet her face-to-face later that evening. I didn’t ask if she was free; I told her I needed to see her about “something important.” No drama, just command.
- Step 2: State the Facts. When we met, I skipped the emotional pleading. I laid out the situation as a business transaction. I said, “Look, I need clarity and commitment. This half-in, half-out thing is unacceptable for me. I value myself too much to stay here.”
- Step 3: Deploy the Boundary. I gave her the ultimate choice, framed not as a threat, but as a statement of my personal boundary. “I need a definite answer about us moving forward together, exclusively and openly, by the end of the week. If you can’t give me that, I’m walking away entirely. No bad feelings, but I need to clear space for the right thing.”
She was totally shocked. Usually, I’d just roll over and accept her excuses. This time, I didn’t waver. That’s the power 34 gives you—the ability to stand firm without being aggressive. You just are the strength.
The Immediate Aftermath
The conversation was short. She tried to stall, saying I was pressuring her. I just reiterated my boundary calmly. I said, “It’s not pressure; it’s self-respect. Take your time, but this is my limit.” Then I left.
I won’t know the final outcome for a few days, obviously. But the immediate realization? I felt incredible. The anxiety that had been choking me for months? Gone. It’s like cleaning out a clogged drain. Hexagram 34 didn’t necessarily guarantee a loving relationship; it guaranteed that I would behave with powerful integrity. That internal certainty is the real payoff.
So yeah, next time you feel like you’re losing yourself or being treated like an afterthought, maybe grab those old coins. Sometimes, the universe just slaps you across the face and reminds you that you already have the immense strength needed to deal with the situation. You just have to use it.
