Man, relationships, right? They’re always a journey, never just a destination. For a while there, my partner and I, we hit a bit of a snag. Nothing dramatic, no big fights or anything like that. It was more like things just felt… flat. Routine. We were going through the motions, you know? Like two ships passing in the night, but in the same house. We loved each other, no doubt, but that spark, that feeling of really building something together, it just wasn’t as bright.
I remember feeling this sort of low-level anxiety about it. I’d catch myself thinking, “Is this it? Is this what long-term looks like?” And honestly, that thought kinda scared me. I wanted more than just coexisting; I wanted us to really grow together, to keep things vibrant and strong.
How I Stumbled Upon This Idea
One evening, I was just messing around online, not even looking for relationship advice, just reading some random articles about ancient philosophies and stuff. I stumbled upon some discussions about the I Ching. Now, I’m not some deep-dive scholar of ancient texts, not at all. But someone mentioned Hexagram 32, “Heng,” which they translated as “Duration” or “Perseverance.”
At first, I just skimmed it. Seemed a bit mystical for my taste. But then, as I kept reading, the core idea started to click. It wasn’t about some magic spell or anything. It was about consistency, about sticking with it, about finding a rhythm and maintaining it over time. It talked about holding firm to principles, about the strength that comes from enduring and adapting, but without losing your core. And suddenly, it just hit me.
I thought, “Huh, isn’t that what we’re missing? That steady, unwavering dedication to building our connection, day in and day out?” We were good at the big gestures, the occasional vacation, but the everyday, consistent work? Maybe not so much.
Putting the Idea into Practice (My Way)
So, I didn’t go out and start casting yarrow sticks or anything like that. My “practice” was much more practical and, well, personal. I decided to take the spirit of Hexagram 32 and apply it. It wasn’t about expecting instant results, but about committing to the long haul, to the duration of our relationship.
Here’s what I started doing, slowly, little by little:
- Consistent Little Gestures: Instead of waiting for an anniversary, I made it a point to do small, thoughtful things every day. Texting a “thinking of you” during the workday, making my partner’s favorite coffee without being asked, offering a genuine compliment. Nothing revolutionary, but consistently doing them.
- Dedicated Talk Time: We used to just chat about the day’s logistics. I started carving out 15-20 minutes every evening, after dinner, before we settled into our separate screens, to just talk. About our feelings, our dreams, what was bothering us, anything. No judgment, just listening. It felt awkward at first, a bit forced, but I stuck with it.
- Shared Activities, Regularly: We picked one thing we both enjoyed – cooking together, going for a walk, watching a specific show – and committed to doing it a few times a week, no excuses. It wasn’t about the activity itself, but about the shared time and the ritual it created.
- Letting Go of Instant Gratification: This was a big one for me. I realized I often expected immediate positive feedback or a quick fix. Hexagram 32 taught me about patience. That building a strong bond isn’t about one big event, but about thousands of tiny, consistent efforts adding up over time. It’s like tending a garden – you don’t plant a seed and expect a tree tomorrow. You water it, you weed it, you keep at it.
- Riding the Waves: There were days when I felt discouraged, when my partner seemed distant, or when my efforts felt unnoticed. I wanted to just stop, to give up on this “Hexagram 32 experiment.” But the whole point was perseverance. So I just kept going, even when I didn’t feel like it. I reminded myself that the goal wasn’t a perfect day, but a strong, lasting connection built across all days.
The Shift I Started to Notice
It didn’t happen overnight, not by a long shot. For a few weeks, honestly, it felt like I was just doing things, and my partner was just… there. But I kept at it, reminding myself of that idea of “duration.”
Then, slowly, subtly, things began to shift. My partner started initiating those talks, too. They began doing those little thoughtful things back. There was this quiet acknowledgment, this unspoken understanding that we were both putting in the effort. The awkwardness faded, replaced by genuine connection.
Our conversations got deeper. We started laughing more, really seeing each other again. The routine felt less like a rut and more like a comfortable, supportive framework. It was like we were both realizing that the real strength of our bond wasn’t in grand gestures, but in the steady, persistent, loving attention we gave it every single day.
Looking back, I didn’t just rebuild a bond; I learned how to build it for the long term. It’s about showing up, consistently, patiently, and with a genuine heart. That whole “Hexagram 32” thing, it really just opened my eyes to the power of duration and perseverance in love. It’s not about magic; it’s about consistent, sustained effort.
