Man, 2024. What a ride it’s been. At the start of it all, I remember just feeling this weird kind of drift. Like, you know that feeling when you’re just floating along, looking at all the big, shiny things out there, kinda dreaming, but not really knowing how to grab onto any of it? That was pretty much my vibe.
I was stuck in a rut, doing the usual grind, felt like a hamster on a wheel, just going through the motions. The job was fine, paid the bills, but every morning, it was just… meh. My head was full of ideas, all these things I could do, but actually making a move? That felt like trying to swim upstream with a backpack full of rocks. I’d sit there, just staring at my screen, scrolling through job boards, looking at people doing cool stuff, thinking, “Why not me?” But then I’d just close the browser and go back to whatever boring task I had.
This went on for a few months, just a constant hum of dissatisfaction in the background. Then, one evening, I was just messing around online, not even looking for anything specific, just poking around. I stumbled upon this little online community, people just sharing what they were learning, what they were building, completely outside the typical corporate structure. It wasn’t fancy, wasn’t professional, just raw, honest attempts at making cool stuff. And something just clicked. It wasn’t about finding a new job right then, it was about finding a new thing to do.
So, I started small. Really small. I decided I was going to try and teach myself something totally new, something I’d always thought about but never touched. I picked up some free tutorials on building simple web stuff. Man, that first week? Felt like my brain was trying to climb a greased pole. Every line of code looked like hieroglyphics. I’d bang my head against the desk, spend hours on one tiny problem, feel like a total idiot. There were so many times I just wanted to throw my laptop out the window and go back to just drifting. But for some reason, I didn’t. Maybe it was stubbornness, maybe it was that little spark of wanting something different finally taking hold.
Starting to Build Something
I pushed through. Day after day, a little bit here, a little bit there. I followed those tutorials line by line, copied everything. Didn’t understand half of it, but I just kept typing. Then, after a couple of weeks, something shifted. A tiny little thing actually worked. I made a basic page, and it just… showed up in my browser. No big deal to anyone else, but for me, it was like discovering fire. It wasn’t perfect, it was ugly as sin, but I made it. That feeling? That was the hook.
After that, the momentum picked up. I started staying up later, digging into more advanced concepts. I’d try to build little projects, simple things, but they were mine. I remember trying to make a little app that just kept track of my coffee intake. It failed spectacularly the first few times, bugs everywhere, crashing constantly. But each time it failed, I learned something. I started asking questions in that online community, and people were actually helpful. No judgment, just tips and encouragement. That was huge.
The biggest hurdle was definitely the feeling of not being good enough. Imposter syndrome is a real kick in the teeth. I’d see what others were building and feel like I was just playing in the kiddie pool. But then I’d remember how I felt just a few months before, just drifting, and how far I’d actually come. Comparing myself to others was pointless. I was on my own path, going at my own speed.
Eventually, I got to a point where I had a few small things I could actually show off. Still nothing groundbreaking, but functional. I plucked up the courage and started applying for different types of roles, not even full-on developer jobs, just something adjacent, something that would use these new skills. I got a bunch of rejections, naturally. Some polite, some just radio silence. Each one stung a bit, made me doubt myself all over again.
But then, out of nowhere, an email popped up. A small local company, doing something totally different from my old gig, saw my application. They weren’t looking for a seasoned pro, they were looking for someone eager to learn, someone who had shown initiative. We had a chat, and it felt right. Like a genuine connection, not just a formal interview. They could see I was green, but they also saw the fire.
Steering the Ship
So now, I’m actually doing it. I landed a role that lets me keep learning, keep building. It’s not a straight shot, still plenty of bumps and learning curves. I’m making mistakes every single day, but they’re different mistakes, and I’m actually figuring them out. The feeling of going to work now isn’t that dull meh anymore. It’s challenging, sometimes frustrating as heck, but it’s also exciting. I’m building things that actually get used, actually make a difference, even if it’s just a small one. It feels like I finally grabbed the rudder of my own ship instead of just letting the current take me wherever it wanted. That drift is gone. I’m steering now, and that’s a pretty sweet feeling.
