Man, sometimes you just float through life, right? Just kinda letting things happen, going with the flow. For the longest time, I thought that was my superpower. Like, ‘Oh, I’m adaptable, I’m easygoing.’ Yeah, right. Turns out, being ‘easygoing’ can actually just mean you’re a total pushover who struggles to make a decision to save their life.
I remember this one project, oh man. It was a couple years back. We were building out this new feature for our internal tool. Pretty critical stuff, everyone was banking on it. I was leading the charge, or at least I thought I was. The problem was, every time someone had a suggestion, I’d just nod along. ‘Yeah, that sounds good!’ ‘Oh, that too!’ I wanted everyone to be happy, you know? I hated conflict. So, instead of making a clear call, setting boundaries, and saying, “No, we’re sticking to this plan,” I just kept piling on ideas. Like, adding whipped cream to an already overflowing sundae. You just know it’s gonna melt everywhere and make a huge mess.
Things started to get real messy. Meetings that should’ve been 30 minutes stretched into two hours of re-hashing decisions we thought we’d already made. People were getting confused. Developers were pulling their hair out because the requirements were shifting constantly. Every day, it felt like we were starting from scratch. I’d walk into the office with a knot in my stomach, knowing full well I needed to make a tough call, but then someone would look at me with big, hopeful eyes about their new idea, and I’d just cave. “Okay, let’s explore that!” I’d say. Explore what? We were already in a labyrinth!
Then came the big day. The deadline. We were nowhere near ready. And it wasn’t just a little late; it was a total bust. The whole thing just collapsed. My boss, bless her heart, she pulled me aside. She didn’t yell, didn’t blame, but she just looked at me and said, “What happened, man? You lost control of this thing.” And that hit me hard. Like a ton of bricks. Because she was right. I hadn’t lost control; I’d never really grabbed it in the first place.
Facing the Music, Really Facing It
That night, I just sat there. Staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t just that project. It was a pattern. I started thinking about all the times I’d let others dictate my schedule, or agreed to things I didn’t want to do, or put off making a decision until it was too late. It wasn’t about being ‘flexible’ or ‘accommodating.’ It was pure, unadulterated avoidance. I was afraid of upsetting people. Afraid of being seen as difficult. Afraid of making the wrong choice, so I’d make no choice at all, which is, ironically, always the worst choice.
I remembered how I’d let that one friend borrow money, time and time again, even when I knew they weren’t gonna pay me back. Or how I’d always be the last one to pick a restaurant, always saying “whatever you guys want,” and then secretly being annoyed we ended up at the sushi place again when I was craving pizza. Small stuff, yeah, but it all added up. It was all rooted in the same thing: my inability to assert myself and set clear boundaries.
- I started keeping a little journal, just for myself. Not for grand insights, but just to jot down when I felt that familiar unease. When I wanted to say “no” but said “yes.”
- I began to actually rehearse difficult conversations in my head, simple stuff like “No, I can’t take on that extra task right now.” or “I prefer pizza tonight.”
- I also forced myself to make quick decisions on small things, even if it felt scary. Pick a shirt. Pick a lunch spot. Don’t overthink it. Just pick.
It sounds dumb, but those little things started to build up. I started seeing how my ‘easygoing’ nature was actually just a shield for my indecisiveness and my fear of confrontation. It wasn’t a strength; it was absolutely my biggest flaw, holding me back from leadership, from truly feeling in control of my own life, even from enjoying simple things because I was too busy trying to please everyone else.
It’s still a work in progress, honestly. I still catch myself sometimes, just drifting, about to say “yes” when I mean “no.” But now, I recognize it. I can feel it happening. And most importantly, I can stop it. I can pause, take a breath, and actually make a conscious decision. It’s tough, sometimes uncomfortable, but man, it’s so much better than just letting the current take you wherever it wants. Knowing your flaws? That’s where the real strength kicks in.
